Confessions Pt. 4
I feel many people expect Ashley to show up in a certain way.
I feel ASHLEY expected herself to show up in a certain way.
Many people expect me to constantly and consistently bring the fire. Trust me I love doing that, but its not realistic.
In studying my human design I am a 5/1 profile, which can be connected with the energy of the Savior. I feel this is how many people expect me to show up daily.
Or how I expect myself to show up?
“How am I going to bring that fire today?”
“How am I going to motivate and inspire today?”
Here comes the pressure.
Well its not going to happen everyday. In order for me to be fully authentic I need to be every aspect of me.
I fell into a cycling of wondering how the fuck I do that everyday??
Guess what I can’t and I won’t!
UNFORTUNATELY I have to tell many of you that your expectations of me are a reflection of what you can’t do for your fucken self.
I’m not going to bring the fire everyday because I don’t want to and I don’t have to.
I am a HEALER
I am a person.
I have my off days and I should allow myself to have them, with no shame or guilt.
I thought I was okay with failure but sometimes you get put to the test. “Are you sure?” Said the universe.
I tried to push through the last few months, I’M NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE.
IN FACT I feel I was taught my whole life to push through.
I now deprogram that from my BEING.
Pushing through the heavy energies is exhausting. Allowing yourself to move through them is where its at for me in the current moment.
I’m a Galactic BEING going through a human experience.
I started experiencing guilt and shame when I had my down times because I know peoples EXPECTATIONS of me are too constantly and consistently bring them the explosions.
The FIRE is a piece of me. I LOVE IT. BUT ITS NOT ALL.
I’m also here for the truth, the knowledge, the wisdom and experience…
And through that I will bring the grief, the sadness, the anger, the courage, strength, joy, love, light and the shadow!!
THIS IS POWER because this is real with no expectations.
Drop your expectations of me now, and drop all expectations of everyone you know. Let it all go and your life will become so much easier.
EXCEPTIONS have and will always be the downfall of humanity.
In order to feel Empowered you must connect with your weaknesses, and what makes you feel vulnerable.
Dive deep into the abyss of your darkness. And embrace every moment of it.
Being venerable is a strength because you understand all aspects of yourself. You can then understand all aspects of humanity.
I notice I get the most likes and engagement when I bring the fire. My powerful posts are like with a model showing her tits and ass. People get off on it and so do I. Its fun, exciting, and inspiring.
BUT thats NOT ALL OF ME.
I admit I LOVE the attention & inspiring others with a powerful energy, but I can’t uphold that all the time and I won’t. From here and now I release the attachment to the outcome of how people feel about my real and raw self.
EVEN if it emits “weakness”
Fuck the expectations.
There are calm passive parts to me that are powerful.
There are peaceful aspects of my being that are vulnerable.
I get sad, depressed, and I can be an extremely emotional person. Theres no need to hide this.
Usually I show the tougher side or the divine side, but not the emotional.
I can be thought provoking without having to be savage.
I can be expressive by being gentle and going deep within.
I’ll tell you right now being vulnerable publicly is extremely uncomfortable.
Guess that means I need to do it more!
Its time to be ALL and everything in between.
What if I talk about...
Right after I wrote my feelings I kind of wanted to vomit. Lol
So crazy how some of us are conditioned to hold back on vulnerable expression.
We all have wants, needs, desires...
My desire right now is to be as real and raw as possible. Even if it means being vulnerable.
Whether you like it or now. I AM ready to be ALL.