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Confessions Pt. 2

I know, I know you’re thinking of giving up...

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Trust me I’ve thought about it plenty of times, especially now.

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I was literally talking to one of my friends yesterday and realized I’ve given up. Yep.

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I realized I lost faith in myself and my purpose for quit a while! WHAT?? Me?? Yep me!

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I didn’t even realize it until now!

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I lost faith in myself and the belief in myself that I can help change this reality. I lost faith in the fact that I’m here to awaken and shake the world. For a while I was like is it even worth it???? Can I do this? Back & Forth....I can...IDK.

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I know consciously I can do this, I say it all the time, but I disconnected from my heart. I lost myself. I got stuck in doing shit that was more “work” than creation.

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I can’t believe I would say that I’ve given up or given in to the bullshit.

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How could this happen?

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How could I lose touch with who I am?

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How could I forget after all I do is talk about PURPOSE, FAITH, and TRUST!??

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It happens to the best of us, it happens to many of us.

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1st it starts with a lack of belief in yourself and then it Spirals down into a lack of belief in God, Spirit, and your reality.

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This year my faith has been tested and too be honest I lost it for a while and didn’t even realize it until now!

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I’ve been waking up more annoyed than excited for the past 5 months. Wtf?? Why?? I mean some days, and weeks are great. Then I go back into questioning.

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I started disconnecting from my truth and who I am. I started leaving pieces of me behind because I felt they weren’t good enough. I didn’t even realize I was doing this? It was like I was waiting for things to shift to allow them to surface.

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ALL OF ME NEEDS TO BE AVAILABLE ALL THE TIME!

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I felt I was too triggering being me and felt FUCKEN GUILTY. Just by being me.

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I GOT BORED! Yep, I just realized this the other day working with a coach. I’m not just a fucken teacher, coach, or mentor. That’s not ALL of me. Who am I kidding?

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I’m a fucken ARTIST. AN ARTIST, which means I need free reign! FREE FUCKEN REIGN...No wonder I’ve been triggered through this whole thing!

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I put the Artist in the closet. I hid her away, and the connection with myself began to suffer. My heart started turning off, leading to aggravation & annoyance.

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Then the pandemic happened, and I started looking around at the world. How the fuck am I going to do my purpose in this SHIT? What a fucken mess!? I was excited at times, then starting questioning my FAITH. (Even though I knew this is the exact time I was needed, I didn’t truly feel it all the time.) Probably because I wasn’t accessing ALL OF ME.

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How am I going to help people awaken and tap into their freedom, when we are being placed in fear prisons constantly? I automatically got overwhelmed and was kind of like fuck this shit. This job is too big for me! I can’t do this! I’m not equipped enough to help with this! It was a lot of back and forth, then just frustration!

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Here come the doubts. Even though I knew shit was going to hit the fan eventually I doubted myself to be me in the process??

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This is CRAZY! I can’t believe I ALLOWED this to happen, but I did. Oh well I’m human. Far from perfect.

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The foundations.....I went far and beyond outside of my basic foundations! When I 1st started doing Spiritual work I focused a lot on my heart chakra.

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Time to dive back in. There is no Ascension without the heart. The heart is the awakening.

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I got caught up in the “well I have to do this and I have to do that.” That’s not me!

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FUCK THAT

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WOW

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The triggers about FREEDOM lately makes so much sense. I need to create freely, with no expectations.

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Doing courses all the time isn’t what I want to do. I love doing them, but I’m here to do more. I knew this for while but this fully integrated with the energy last night!

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See how that works? You can know things consciously but something needs to hit your field for it to be the Ah Ha moment!

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Loosing my foundational practice.

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Loosing my connection with my heart & who I truly am.

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Loosing a sense or a piece of my purpose was detrimental to my spirit.

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Loosing the Art, forcing the creation. It never works.

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I know what I’m capable of. I know my power.

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I know I’m here to just express my truth. I’m here to create on MANY LEVELS. I’ve been limiting myself, questioning my faith, questioning my purpose, and questioning who I am during these times.

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It’s time to just surrender & allow it to all unfold.


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